All I want for Christmas...

I have been thinking about my Christmas wish and it did not take much thought...

Something I have been craving and needing since December 2007 is full custody of my children.

As most of you know I have been dealing with a recent custody battle with my ex-Miles. Since he decided to no longer be friends nor civil with me anymore back in July 2009. He has tried in every way to keep my kids from me. Now mind you Miles and I never had issues like this before. It was never a fight for me to see my kids, in fact we did stuff all the time as a family with our kids. For some odd reason just weeks after starting his new relationship that normal lifestyle for the kids and I came to a complete halt.
Our current parenting plan is a joke! I would of never signed it if I knew he would come back and use it against me 2 years later. When he first sat down with me to go over the plan (2yrs ago) I read it and did not agree with it, I told him I can not be with out my kids that often. He looked in my eyes and told me: "Andrea, you can see the kids and have the kids anytime you want and this can always be changed". Pretty much he wanted on paper to have more custody so I would have to pay child support (he couldn't afford the house on his own). So I agreed and I trusted him... Big mistake!

Now I only see my kids 2 nights a week, I get a total of 10 awake hours a week with my babies. I had my son and daughter cause I wanted them and I always had the desire to be the best mother I could be. Now I have their father/ my best friend of 12 years keeping me from succeeding as a mother for our children.

The most hurtful part is my kids miss me so much. I have not seen or talked to them since Saturday afternoon. I call and leave messages every night to talk to them. Their dad will not return the calls back.

Who is this man I was once married to, had 2 children with, just months ago loved me and would do anything for our children not to be with out both their parents?

Well I am done trying to figure that mystery out. I have been very cooperative with him the past 2 years with the kids schedules... I will no longer sit back and let him have control of when and where I can see my children.
I am a good mother, I have done nothing to deserve this and neither did my kids. I have a full time job and a nice home to provide and support my children in every way I can. I even relocated my job back to Gig Harbor so I could be closer to my kids and have them more during the week... Now he won't even let that work out for us.
So how does he think that he is more of a stable parent than me?
All I want for Christmas is my babies (Ryder Ion and Mazie Lue)... My heart breaks everyday I don't see them or talk to them. I just know a day will come that my children will know that it was not my choice to be away from them.

The things that tug at my heart strings:
Ryder: "Mom every time I hear your voice my hearts starts to beat fast, cause I love you so much"
Mazie: "Mommy I want to be with you". Her brother says she talks about me non-stop when I am not around.
These are some of the things my children say to me over the phone. I call my kids every night I don't have them just so I can hear their voices and let them know how much I miss and love them.
Ryder and Mazie are my babies... My number ones!

I would love to get any feed back on this subject. This is a matter that I feel so lost and alone about...
Smooches,
Andrea